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The
Tyranny of Attachments
We
often make our prophecies of doom, the things we fear, happen because
of our insecurity and consequent grasping. I know somebody who was so
afraid of losing her job that she tried to control every aspect of it
and ward off any possible rival. Consequently she became very inefficient
and had to be eased out of her position. I have experienced many who
were so grasping in their relationships that others felt choked and
eventually had to push them away. They made the very thing that they
feared happen. False expectations, insecurity and attachment make what
we fear happen; calm openness makes what we prefer to happen. The Vietnamese
Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn says that there are two kinds of desire;
desire as preference which is quite all right and desire as attachment
which is very destructive.
Desire is operative on all levels of life with positive and negative
effects. An old song used to say, “How can your dreams come true,
if you have no dreams at all?” Ambition and the desire to achieve
a goal can be a very positive source of energy. But it can also be a
tyranny. It is a tyranny especially when the desires are not realistic
or when we become attached to them. In my experience unrealistic desires
are very destructive in family life. They can be the desires or expectations
of spouses towards each other, of parents towards children and of children
towards parents.
I very often meet couples who are unhappy because their spouses have
not come up to their desires. Very often the spouse is just not able
to come up to that expectation. For example a wife says, “I would
be happy if only my husband kissed me good bye and hugged me before
he goes to work in the morning.” Now, it might happen that her
husband, who may be very good in a thousand other ways, is not the cariñoso
sort of guy and he just cannot do that sort of thing. If the wife is
to be happy she has to drop this unrealistic attachment and appreciate
the other good qualities of her spouse. Unfortunately, very often this
does not happen. She continues to complain about the unfulfilled expectation
and fails to appreciate and promote the other good qualities.
Likewise it can be good for parents to inspire their children with high
ideals. However, if the child is bombarded with impossible expectations,
at some stage the child internally gives up. The child may opt out by
not studying any more or turning to drugs because of the inner frustration
of trying to meet unmeetable expectations. One young lad put it this
way. “Long before I took a drug I was addicted to and imprisoned
by the expectations of my parents.”
This is why the story of the centurion in today’s Gospel is so
refreshing. He is an influential and respected man who could make demands
but he does not. He presents his concern about his servant to Jesus
and invites him to just say a word so as to cure his servant. He did
not try to corner Jesus or pressure him. In effect he said, “I
would very much appreciate if you could help my servant but if it is
too much trouble for you it is quite alright with me.” Jesus is
amazed that a non Jew could create this atmosphere of freedom and faith
for him. He immediately and joyfully responds to the man’s prayer.
In meditation we just be with the ground of our being, God, in reverent
silence. We know that God loves us more than we could ever love ourselves.
We know that telling him what we believe he should do is pitting our
puny perceptions against his infinite wisdom. We be before Him detached
from anything other then God’s will. Then we are ever in freedom
and joy because we will know that whatever happens is unquestionably
the best.
The student went to his master and said, “I am leaving you and
your meditation. I love my wine, my good food and my nice things.”
The master laughed and said, “I love those things too; But I can
be happy even if I do not have them!” Freedom from attachment is
the secret of enjoyment.
TOP
Taken
from Sundays into Silence - A Pathway to Life.
Copyright © 1998 by Claretian Publications
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Sundays
into Silence
A Pathway to Life
by Gerry Pierse, cssr
380
pp., PhP 299, U$ 19.95
“The
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reflections on the gospel readings for year A, B, and C of the liturgical
cycle, Fr. Pierse integrates the richness of the word of God with experiences
and stories from life in the community. He shows how through silence,
the word can bear fruit in service and sacrament.” (R. J. Cardinal
Vidal)
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